A Love Letter to the Heartbroken

As a woman who has h34174e39dfa337ffe16f931a074d3defad her heart broken like nobody’s business, I can say one thing for certain: heartache blows.

I can also say something else: it heals.

Here’s why. Sometimes when the heart breaks, it breaks wide open. Sure, you feel the bad things, but you still long to feel the good things. You cry, you get angry, you purge, you lose sleep, you catch things on fire. You have the darkest nights your soul has ever experienced.

But like the way a rainstorm cleanses the earth, heartache cleanses you, erodes away your stagnant pieces, re-builds the beauty of you from the ruins.

I know, I know. You’re calling BS right now. I know it hurts. I know you don’t believe me. But I speak from experience, love. And I can reassure you: every little thing is gonna be all right. You will heal. You will love again. You will be happy. I promise.

But before I continue, I want to make an important distinction. I know you keep telling yourself all these stories about why you’ve been rejected. But I’m here to tell you that none of those stories encompass the whole truth. Because it’s not about rejection. It’s about selection. But I’ll get to that later.

For now, when someone chooses to end (or not begin) a relationship with you, you may never understand the reasons why. You may have to live your whole life not knowing where things went wrong, if it was something you said, if it was something he did.

But. Here’s what I want you to know:

You didn’t fail. (Relationships fail. Businesses fail. Institutions fail. People don’t fail. People just do the best they can with the information they have available to them at any given moment). When a relationship ends, it’s because the dynamics between two people just weren’t aligned. That’s it.

You’re worth it. If you found a $100 bill lying on the sidewalk, and it had been trampled in mud, torn around the edges, and written all over, would you just leave it there? Hell no you wouldn’t! Why? Because it’s A HUNDRED DOLLARS. It hasn’t lost its value just because it’s a little worn for the wear. It’s still worth $100. Likewise, YOU are still worth every penny of your beautiful goddess soul, even when you are feeling your lowest.

You can wish, or you can decide. Darling, I know it’s hard. You’re wishing it hadn’t ended. Maybe you’re wishing it had never begun. You’re wishing someone could take the pain away. You’re wishing you didn’t feel so lonely.

Dearest, you and I both know that wishing gets you nowhere. Action is the only thing that will heal you. Action, and time. At some point, in your own time, you will have to stop asking the questions, stop wishing it were different, stop resisting reality and decide. Decide to be in a place of acceptance, of releasing, and of receiving. There are things to be learned here, and there are things waiting for you. Things like:

  • Slumber parties (seriously, grown-up goddesses can still have slumber parties!)
  • Road trips
  • Window shopping
  • Rearranging furniture
  • Cooking from a vintage cookbook
  • Getting outside
  • Learning to knit
  • Whatever-else-your-little-heart-has-always-desired-to-do

The point: do whatever sounds fun. Say yes to everything (within reason, of course). Be brave. Have an adventure.

Because soon you will realize that this thing that has happened to you – this dirty word called rejection – is actually your teacher. And you’ll realize that you haven’t been rejected against, but rather selected for. For someone who is a much better fit. For a life you are free to design on your own. For an opportunity to see your beauty and value through your own eyes, and not someone else’s.

Because goddesses keep their heads, heels, and standards high. And they don’t look back unless it’s to catch the gaze of a passing admirer.

Remember love, you are a goddess. You are decisive and strong and courageous. You are valuable, and you are SO worth it.

Big hugs and kisses,

Your loving goddess sister

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Day 3: OPH (Other People’s Happiness)

 

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Let’s get real for a moment, love.

Sometimes, somewhere deep inside us where we hate to admit it, we aren’t really, truly happy when other people are happy. Sometimes, instead, we feel smaller. Sometimes we feel off course. Sometimes other people seem to have it all together while we are struggling to keep things from falling apart.

I know it’s happened to you. You get up in the morning, fill your mug with steaming coffee, and head out to run some errands. You have a lovely drive. You are lost in thoughts of semi-contentment.

But then.

Then.

At the store you run into an acquaintance you haven’t seen in years.

She’s annoyingly put together. She just finished graduate school and managed to land a well-paying job. She also just got married and she and her spouse are building their dream home. With lots of land. And a pony.

Wha??? But you’ve always wanted a pony! Why do ponies just fall into other people’s laps? Why is it some people manage to suck up all the good karma while you have to (insert struggle here) every day? And who does she think she is, anyway? She probably never had to (insert hardship here) a day in her life.

Do you see what I did there? Do you recognize this monologue?

I’m sorry, I know it’s ugly. But it happens to the best of us, darling. More than we’d like to say.

But. Here’s a secret: it’s not really the pony you want.

Nope. It’s the feeling that having a pony gives you that you want.

Let’s think about that for a sec. What you want is a feeling. Not a pony.

Whoa. Mind blown, right? So how do you get the feeling of happiness without the pony?

This is why happiness is about perspective. As the wonderful Dr. Wayne Dyer so famously said, “Change your thoughts, change your life.”

live-511556__180Understand that your struggle is your karmic lesson.

Why do some people win the lottery and you don’t? Because it’s not in the Karmic Lesson Plan designed for you. Plain and simple.

Through your karmic lessons you have evolved. Through your evolution you have learned and developed a value system all your own. Through your value system, you have developed character traits that are of incredible service to the world. Therefore, your karmic lessons have made sure that everything you have to offer is exactly what the world needs right now. Boom. Thanks, Universe.

Look for the glitter in your own life. Have a happiness scavenger hunt. Work your way down this list and practice gratitude:

  • Something intoxicating
  • Something pretty
  • Something funny
  • Something delicious
  • Something inspiring
  • Something soft
  • Something luxurious

paper-1100254_960_720Practice Acceptance

This shall be your new mantra: “Acceptance, not resistance.”

What you resist persists. You can disagree with reality all you want, but sadly for you, the fix is in. It’s going to win the argument. Let me repeat: reality is always going to win.

You can’t change it, but you can create all sorts of things within it. It may somewhat define the edges, but there’s lots of space to play. Don’t lose sight of that. You always have choices. There are always possibilities. The more you accept reality instead of resisting it, the more possibilities will be available to you.

So take that, Reality. And the pony you rode in on, too.

Now for the audience participation portion of this blog post. Repeat after me: I will not let Other People’s Happiness (OPH) threaten my own.

There. Doesn’t that feel better? You don’t need that lottery money, anyway. You have big work to do instead. BIG.

I believe in you.

Yours always and forever,

~Jomana

This entry was posted on November 3, 2016. 2 Comments

Day 2: Initiation. Reclaim Your Goddess Power.

Day 2: Intiation. Reclaim Your Goddess Power

Hello, beautiful. Please listen closely, okay?.

I know it doesn’t feel like it, but you have within you the power to shape all the circumstances of your life.

{Notice I didn’t say ‘control’ the circumstances of your life.}

You are inherently powerful – you are a woman and a warrior. When the winds change direction, you can adjust your sails. And you will. You are resilient. The implicate order, the natural law, the Way of life itself has bestowed upon you powers of unlimited potential. You just have to pause and listen. You only have to remember.

Your power resides in both your physical and emotional soul journey. It rests in your how you honor the attributes of your physical body as a divine instrument of creation. It lies in your intuition, your capacity for compassion, your own unique and special province for seeing the world how it is, but not letting that prevent you from creating the world how you want it to be. It lies in the way you inspire others, and in the way you stand up for yourself when necessary. It allows you to capture your innate sense of self-worth, self-esteem, and the strength to protect yourself and your loved ones.

Remember: we teach people how to treat us. If we do not honor our goddess selves, no one else will, either.

And once you begin to feel this power flowing through you, you will be transformed. It will give you freedom. Freedom to choose how and whom to love. To confidently execute your own free will and make choices without apology.

This is your mission. Are you ready to accept it?

Today’s Affirmation:

“Today I am reminded that I have survived every bad day up until now, and I will survive whatever comes my way in the future. I trust that I have what it takes to withstand the challenges of life, and I will grow stronger with each one defeated. The opinions of others is none of my business.”

How to Live It:

Break the rules.

Chances are, as a little girl, you were taught to be self-effacing, polite, demure, modest, and careful not to rock the boat. You were more than likely discouraged from being outspoken, standing up for yourself, or ‘showing off’ your talents. All too often, we hear these messages as children and interpret them in a way that encourages us to conform, to follow the rules.

I’m not saying it’s okay to throw caution to the wind and behave irresponsibly. But I am saying that you deserve to be heard, respected, and living the fullest expression of yourself. If that means upsetting a few people along the way, so be it. It’s time to learn to master the art of disappointing others.

Does that make your heart race a little bit? Are your palms getting sweaty?

It’s a terrifying thought, isn’t it – disappointing others?

But something more terrifying is this: giving up your freedom. Because that’s what you do, every time you hold your tongue. Every time you settle for less than what you deserve. Every time you long realize your full potential, but stand frozen because you don’t know where to start. You hide yourself behind fear. You downplay your strengths. You let others form your opinion of yourself.

Well, darling. Take my hand and repeat after me. It all stops now.

This is your initiation. From now on you are free to experience life without censorship. Free to love yourself more than the fear of disappointing others. Free to speak your truth.

Reality Check #1: You are going to hurt feelings. You know why? Because everyone has different value systems. And if you want your life to reflect your values, it is inevitable that some people won’t like you. And guess what – when people don’t like you, nothing actually happens. Seriously. Nothing. So let it go.

Reality Check #2: Other people’s opinions of you are none of your business. Don’t give them the opportunity to share. If you wouldn’t let someone into your home, don’t let them into your head. Period.

Reality Check #3: You will feel guilty. Yep, it’s true. Because guilt stems from a belief system you created. Your whole life you have told yourself a story about why it’s a terrible thing to disappoint people. But remember – we are examining those belief systems with honest eyes. Is your belief system serving you? Is it healthy? Take a long, hard look at the things that you feel guilty about. If guilt is preventing you from developing your own gifts and talents, then it’s time to write yourself a different story.

Remember, you are enough. Don’t give away your power.

Forget the rules. Make your own.

Here we go.

Hugs and kisses and lovingly yours,

~Jomana

 

Day 1: Awakening The Sleeping Goddess: Have You Forgotten Who You Are?

There was a time, dear goddess, when you stood atop a mountain field, the breeze tossing your hair about your shoulders, the earth supporting you from the rooted energy of your bare feet. There was a sort of fire in your blood, a healing in your touch. You were powerful in ways you have long forgotten. You were aligned with your feminine divinity – your connection to the miracles of nature, of spirit, and of the mysteries of our creation.

There were things you knew that you might have now forgotten. You knew intuitively when it was safe to offer your healing touch to a weeping stranger. You knew how the rhythms of your body connected with the moon cycle. You knew the beauty of your scars, and you didn’t hide them. You trusted that the universe would provide everything you needed.  You stood powerfully, a vessel of the same ancient knowledge your grandmothers knew before you.

But most of all, you listened. You trusted your intuition. You stared at the stars on quiet evenings and observed the night birds singing. You spent time in quietude. In the cathedral of the forest, you watched for divinely inspired messages. You found your way along a moonlit path, forged alone and by the strength of your own soul.

I recognize the longing, dear heart. I know the yearning for the intuitive power you feel stirring so faintly inside you.

Far too long you have doubted it. Denied it, even. But something calls out from you now – this time, this place in your life. You are ready to open your heart to the wisdom of your divine spirit. The goddess within you is looking out through your gaze. And this time, she will not be denied.

Let’s stand together, letting the wind tousle our hair and scatter our limitations to places we will never see again. Let’s help each other find our way back to the gates of twilight, to the very beginning when we believed in everything.

This is our initiation. Our re-awakening to the power deep inside ourselves to effect change in our own lives and in the world. We may not have everything we need, and life may be a struggle every single day. But what we do have is perspective, and the ability to listen. Within our hearts, we are still maidens with a vision for a magical life. Do you remember? I know you do.

Hand in hand, we will find our hope together, and we will awaken the goddess we forgot was sleeping inside us.

To familiar places and forgotten promises.

To love and light and abundant blessings.

I believe in you.
 

Today’s Affirmation:

“Today I will trust in the wisdom of my intuition. I will listen to the sensations I am getting from my environment. I will remember the visions created by the stirrings of my own soul.”

How to Live It:

         Try to become conscious of anyone or any activities you are involved with that seem to play on your sense of guilt, emotional reliance, or insecurities. Notice how you typically respond to this, and notice where and how it manifests in your body.

Do you feel it as anxiety or a tightness in your chest? Does it manifest as anger? Do you become moody and difficult? Short-tempered? Or just closed up and defeated?

None of these responses reflects your higher self.

Your higher self understands that anyone or anything that makes you feel guilty, emotionally over-reactive, or insecure does not serve you. We are going to practice awakening our sleeping goddess through awareness and a shift in perspective. There are two options:

  1. When it is time, walk away with grace.
  2. If you can’t walk away, change your perspective.

A goddess understands that how someone treats her is their karma, but how she responds is hers. A goddess’s true power lies in her discernment. The only reason people try to exert their power over others in a manipulative way is because they are in some kind of pain. And by this I mean an existential, psychological sort of pain. Every choice people make, every emotion they feel is a derivative of love or fear. When people operate out of fear, they hurt those around them. But they don’t see it because they are responding to instinct – to self-preservation. Fear is debilitating in many ways.

A goddess has the innate ability to recognize this tendency in others, and to empathize with the sadness of a fearful heart. She can imagine what it must feel like to fall asleep at night with a burdened spirit. If she must interact with someone who does not serve her highest good, she must understand that the only thing she can control is her response to their pain. She chooses how she walks in the world. She is empowered by her discernment. She is awakened.

Welcome home, Goddess divine.

 

 

 

To Goddess:

To know yourself, and own it – flaws and all.

To choose the path to spiritual evolution.

To practice truth.

To accept, not resist, with grace.

To express your inner beauty with confidence.

To trust without hesitation.

To dream.

To use your intuition.

To be radiant.

To believe in your gifts.

To love.

A goddess ALWAYS listens to her own wisdom.

Welcome, Goddess Divine.

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Hello, Beautiful.

I am so delighted to meet you!
Let’s grab a mug of tea and sit together and share our stories while we walk this path. Let’s giggle like teenagers and hug like grandmothers. Let’s take a soul journey together, but more importantly, let’s reaffirm all the ways in which we can honor ourselves and the divine within us. Our femininity is a gift – but so often we ignore or suppress the ways it makes us unique. We hold ourselves to unreasonable standards. We stress about beauty, career, motherhood, and pleasing others. We martyr ourselves when we should goddess ourselves.

Goddess is a VERB.

The path of a living, breathing goddess is the path to peace, self-discovery, and spiritual evolution. It transcends the treadmill of life, but infuses into the mundane. To seek our own empowering truth is to peel away the layers of psychological armor we build up around us and fool ourselves into thinking we don’t need to look further, to delve deeper. When we are comfortable, we feel safe – perhaps even protected.
But a goddess knows that when she is uncomfortable, it is a sign she is growing.
The truth is, we will age, our bodies will fail us – but this is where the physical journey ends and the spiritual journey begins. Every day is an opportunity to renew our spiritual tasks and sacred purpose.

But what if I’ve forgotten how? What if I don’t know my life’s purpose?

Don’t worry, darling. Your inner goddess hasn’t forgotten. She just needs your permission to shine. It is my honor and personal sacred task to give you practical, daily tips and advice to help you remember how powerful and purposeful and soulful you really are.
Are you ready? It’s time to goddess yourself.

Shine on.