Archive | November 2016

A Love Letter to the Heartbroken

As a woman who has h34174e39dfa337ffe16f931a074d3defad her heart broken like nobody’s business, I can say one thing for certain: heartache blows.

I can also say something else: it heals.

Here’s why. Sometimes when the heart breaks, it breaks wide open. Sure, you feel the bad things, but you still long to feel the good things. You cry, you get angry, you purge, you lose sleep, you catch things on fire. You have the darkest nights your soul has ever experienced.

But like the way a rainstorm cleanses the earth, heartache cleanses you, erodes away your stagnant pieces, re-builds the beauty of you from the ruins.

I know, I know. You’re calling BS right now. I know it hurts. I know you don’t believe me. But I speak from experience, love. And I can reassure you: every little thing is gonna be all right. You will heal. You will love again. You will be happy. I promise.

But before I continue, I want to make an important distinction. I know you keep telling yourself all these stories about why you’ve been rejected. But I’m here to tell you that none of those stories encompass the whole truth. Because it’s not about rejection. It’s about selection. But I’ll get to that later.

For now, when someone chooses to end (or not begin) a relationship with you, you may never understand the reasons why. You may have to live your whole life not knowing where things went wrong, if it was something you said, if it was something he did.

But. Here’s what I want you to know:

You didn’t fail. (Relationships fail. Businesses fail. Institutions fail. People don’t fail. People just do the best they can with the information they have available to them at any given moment). When a relationship ends, it’s because the dynamics between two people just weren’t aligned. That’s it.

You’re worth it. If you found a $100 bill lying on the sidewalk, and it had been trampled in mud, torn around the edges, and written all over, would you just leave it there? Hell no you wouldn’t! Why? Because it’s A HUNDRED DOLLARS. It hasn’t lost its value just because it’s a little worn for the wear. It’s still worth $100. Likewise, YOU are still worth every penny of your beautiful goddess soul, even when you are feeling your lowest.

You can wish, or you can decide. Darling, I know it’s hard. You’re wishing it hadn’t ended. Maybe you’re wishing it had never begun. You’re wishing someone could take the pain away. You’re wishing you didn’t feel so lonely.

Dearest, you and I both know that wishing gets you nowhere. Action is the only thing that will heal you. Action, and time. At some point, in your own time, you will have to stop asking the questions, stop wishing it were different, stop resisting reality and decide. Decide to be in a place of acceptance, of releasing, and of receiving. There are things to be learned here, and there are things waiting for you. Things like:

  • Slumber parties (seriously, grown-up goddesses can still have slumber parties!)
  • Road trips
  • Window shopping
  • Rearranging furniture
  • Cooking from a vintage cookbook
  • Getting outside
  • Learning to knit
  • Whatever-else-your-little-heart-has-always-desired-to-do

The point: do whatever sounds fun. Say yes to everything (within reason, of course). Be brave. Have an adventure.

Because soon you will realize that this thing that has happened to you – this dirty word called rejection – is actually your teacher. And you’ll realize that you haven’t been rejected against, but rather selected for. For someone who is a much better fit. For a life you are free to design on your own. For an opportunity to see your beauty and value through your own eyes, and not someone else’s.

Because goddesses keep their heads, heels, and standards high. And they don’t look back unless it’s to catch the gaze of a passing admirer.

Remember love, you are a goddess. You are decisive and strong and courageous. You are valuable, and you are SO worth it.

Big hugs and kisses,

Your loving goddess sister

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Day 3: OPH (Other People’s Happiness)

 

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Let’s get real for a moment, love.

Sometimes, somewhere deep inside us where we hate to admit it, we aren’t really, truly happy when other people are happy. Sometimes, instead, we feel smaller. Sometimes we feel off course. Sometimes other people seem to have it all together while we are struggling to keep things from falling apart.

I know it’s happened to you. You get up in the morning, fill your mug with steaming coffee, and head out to run some errands. You have a lovely drive. You are lost in thoughts of semi-contentment.

But then.

Then.

At the store you run into an acquaintance you haven’t seen in years.

She’s annoyingly put together. She just finished graduate school and managed to land a well-paying job. She also just got married and she and her spouse are building their dream home. With lots of land. And a pony.

Wha??? But you’ve always wanted a pony! Why do ponies just fall into other people’s laps? Why is it some people manage to suck up all the good karma while you have to (insert struggle here) every day? And who does she think she is, anyway? She probably never had to (insert hardship here) a day in her life.

Do you see what I did there? Do you recognize this monologue?

I’m sorry, I know it’s ugly. But it happens to the best of us, darling. More than we’d like to say.

But. Here’s a secret: it’s not really the pony you want.

Nope. It’s the feeling that having a pony gives you that you want.

Let’s think about that for a sec. What you want is a feeling. Not a pony.

Whoa. Mind blown, right? So how do you get the feeling of happiness without the pony?

This is why happiness is about perspective. As the wonderful Dr. Wayne Dyer so famously said, “Change your thoughts, change your life.”

live-511556__180Understand that your struggle is your karmic lesson.

Why do some people win the lottery and you don’t? Because it’s not in the Karmic Lesson Plan designed for you. Plain and simple.

Through your karmic lessons you have evolved. Through your evolution you have learned and developed a value system all your own. Through your value system, you have developed character traits that are of incredible service to the world. Therefore, your karmic lessons have made sure that everything you have to offer is exactly what the world needs right now. Boom. Thanks, Universe.

Look for the glitter in your own life. Have a happiness scavenger hunt. Work your way down this list and practice gratitude:

  • Something intoxicating
  • Something pretty
  • Something funny
  • Something delicious
  • Something inspiring
  • Something soft
  • Something luxurious

paper-1100254_960_720Practice Acceptance

This shall be your new mantra: “Acceptance, not resistance.”

What you resist persists. You can disagree with reality all you want, but sadly for you, the fix is in. It’s going to win the argument. Let me repeat: reality is always going to win.

You can’t change it, but you can create all sorts of things within it. It may somewhat define the edges, but there’s lots of space to play. Don’t lose sight of that. You always have choices. There are always possibilities. The more you accept reality instead of resisting it, the more possibilities will be available to you.

So take that, Reality. And the pony you rode in on, too.

Now for the audience participation portion of this blog post. Repeat after me: I will not let Other People’s Happiness (OPH) threaten my own.

There. Doesn’t that feel better? You don’t need that lottery money, anyway. You have big work to do instead. BIG.

I believe in you.

Yours always and forever,

~Jomana

This entry was posted on November 3, 2016. 2 Comments